People Pleaser Alert!

Having just returned from a two-week breakaway of rest and peace, I’ve been asking myself this question, “if I could do 2023 over again, what would I change?”

The question hasn’t come about in order to berate myself for what I didn’t do but to get clear on what I might like to do in 2024 that I didn’t get to do in 2023. On my morning walk today what I realized was I actually achieved a lot more than I set out to and that came as a bit of a surprise since up until a few short years ago, I often wanted the new year to be better than the previous year until I understood something fundamentally important and its this:

“My reality exists in my own mind and not in the world.”

What that means is, depending on the lens I look through at the time of reflection, I will see what I am most focused on at that specific moment in time. I’ve seen how my mind can go from being ok to not being ok, in a matter of a few milliseconds . I’ve seen that I am constantly engaging with my own idea of reality and not the reality of the world and the only time I feel like things are not going well is when I look through the lens of wanting things to be different so I can feel better. The fact is I also know the truth which is, I’m not in control of anything outside of my own story and no amount of ruminating on anyone else’s story is very helpful, because I can never see life through the lens they are currently wearing.

What a game changer it’s been for me! Noticing that I view the world entirely differently to everyone else has been one of those things that has given me an immense amount of freedom. What I’m saying is this: “I have my story and that doesn’t have to be your reality and likewise, you have your story and that doesn’t have to be my reality.” Wow! I mean really, that was a wow moment for me!

Making up a story of what effect my decision will have on other people, doesn’t make things any easier for me, so why would I do that to myself? Yet I still catch myself doing that at times. Like all things, this takes some practice, especially if people-pleasing has become a habit. It takes some awareness to remember that the truth is something you feel and not always something you think (you know).

As a recovering people-pleaser my biggest lesson has been to get really quiet when I feel I must do something I’m not sure about, to avoid disappointing people. I’ve seen that if I just take some time and wait before doing anything, I can hear the inner guidance and do what is right (truth).

You can’t hear the whispers of truth when there’s a lot of noise and you also cannot see the truth when you’re rushing around and moving too fast. What you’re feeling about anything is simply a symptom of what you’re thinking about that thing and isn’t always the truth.

Slowing down and being still has helped me to get clarity on so much in my life and my work and has been the essential and crucial step that has helped me to create some awesome stuff in 2023 and all I want for 2024 is to do the same.

I’m reminded of these two things, that sums up this December 2023 blog:

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” and “actually nothing changes but everything seems different.”

My prayer for you is that you transition peacefully into 2024, and that you give yourself the gift of stillness to hear the wisdom you seek and hear the truth you know you must follow.


All my love